Ranting

Let me start by saying that there is no knitting content in this post. Let me also add that whatever I say here I say with no real understanding of that things are like for my hubby right now.

That said, here we go.......

There are many things that I love about my husband. One thing that I could live without is the smoking. Since we have moved in together he has not smoked in our house he always goes outside but... as a non smoker I can really notice when he comes inside and when I kiss him.

He has tried to quit a few times over the years that I have known him but he has been smoking since he was 13 or 14? He has (in my opinion) gotten past the hardest parts of quitting only to start again.

I do not claim to understand. I never say "I know it's hard" because what I do understand is that there is no way I could possibly understand. I do tell him how proud I am of him for doing what he has so far and to some extent I wait on him hand and foot to keep his stress down and his happiness up.

Because he is not smoking his is eating. Boy oh boy is he eating. So I buy him snacks that I don't like to keep in the house because I like to eat them too. Cookies, chips, pudding, and as strange as it sounds KD and instant mashed potatoes. When he says he is hungry I make him what he asks for (even if it gets in the way of my knitting time). When he tells me he is dying and that he wants a smoke I smile and say "you're not dying hunny, can I get you something?" Ugh...I frustrate myself but I think it is for the greater good.

We had planned to maybe go to see a movie tonight. I was going to meet him after work and go to an early show. He called me after he finished work to tell me he had a bad day and just wanted to go home.

I made him a snack when he got home (dinner was going to take an hour in the oven) he still asked me after for a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup. I made him both served with a cold beer.

Then when dinner was ready (lasagna) he started to eat it...looked at it funny and asked if mine was still cold in the middle ("no") we ate a little longer. "Where did we get this lasagna from?... I cant eat this" Then like a silly little wife I offer to make him something else. He didn't want anything else but.....grrrrrr. Now he is sitting here on the couch and is he ever cranky.

He has had one cigarette today and has had 2 or 3 every day for the last (almost) 2 weeks. I am starting to get just as cranky as he is.

If anyone else out there has any suggestions for me about how I can be supportive and not lose my mind please let me know because sometimes I feel about as shaky as he is.

P.S. Just as I was spell checking this the dog rang the bell to go out.....I just wanted to post before I took him out. Hubby asked me if I was going to let him out ("yes") He rang the bell 4 times what are you doing("blogging. I don't see you getting up to let him out") Fine ("I'm going now") Then I'm going to the store (This would imply he was going to buy cigarettes but he instead lay down on the couch.)